-Senseless-

Senseless, totally senseless, once again i am subjected to a crazy dream of mine. I guess it is inevitable for such a dream to appear for a person who thinks a lot like me. I woke up in disbelief, totally amused at what a dream i had. In my dream, I saw benny, and ed over at angie home. Ben and ed were holding a live chicken and discussing how to kill it. Then came faith with a knife and sadistically killing th helpless chicken while the rest(jp, nick, eric, weizheng, amanda) carries on watching television. What a dream!

Well, apart from that, i just had a thrashing out session with my mum. I anticipated for this moment for quite sometime. I was right, both of us had so much of steam to let out that it was pretty heated from the way we communicated.

Mum says she doesnt like my way of life, saying that it is indecent and stuff. basically, everything that i did was unpleasant in the eyes of hers. Be it going out with frens, my sports life style, my night life, studies, everything was nonsensical in the eyes of hers. Well, there is nothing much that i could do as well, i guess. Hmmm, am i really wrong? I dun know at all. I mean, whats exactly wrong with indulging in healthy activities like wakeboarding, scuba diving, basketball, gym and many more? Mum kept on emphasising that i have not been home for a decent meal since the holidays started but for as long as i could remember, no one ever made the effort to sit down and have a meal together as a family.

Another thing that incurred her wrath was my social circle of frens. In the past she always detest all my male frens from poly and jc. No matter how much i explain and tried to change her opinions, it just seems that her perceptions will forever be the same. Ok, fine, so i started to hang out more with girls and stuff. Then came were the non stop droning that the girls i hang out with are not decent and wild. It seems no matter who i hang out with, she will be unhappy from the start to the end. What kind of nonsense is that? God! Knock some sense into my mum will ya?

For as long as i can recall, all my female frens are all from veri well established backgrounds. Pple like amanda, xy, my gf and many many more. They are musically inclined, talented and well educated. So wat is she unhappy about? I dun understand at all. What made me so pissed up was even SpSd frens were spared from that robotic mouth of hers. Argh! Sooner or later i will go crazy from all of her nonsense. Dad din caree much about my frens. Apart from telling me nicely to come home earlier next time and try to make an effort to stay at home, he basically kept quiet most of the time. Dad gives me immense amount of freedom which i admit i tend to misuse from time to time.

freedom to me is like gold and precious treasure. Reason ebing that i did not enjoy all this since young. At the same time, i enjoy being out in the night. I am a night based person by nature. Well, thats me. Ha! Hmmm, well, i guess it is only at night when i can really relax myself. I like the night, i like the quietness, the mysterious aura that only night time could give me. I realised that i cant do without my freedom. Lets jus say that i am a person who is in control of my life. although it is right that parents are the ones who have control over their children but i am a person who wans to be in control of my own life. I cant stand it when my parents always tells me what i should do and what i should not. I am old enuf to decide for myself as well as being independant.

The only thing which i admit i had overdone is my clubbing lifestyle. For that i am willing to change. I guess parents will always be worried for the safety for their children. Indeed, i spent a long time outside today after thrashing things with my mum. I reflected and thought what exactly caused this great change between me and my mum. I guess mum feels veri much insecured. Parents who only have one son will either give them immense freedom or over control them. For my case, mum is being veri protective towards me since young. I really respect and love her for her concern but i guess once a child grows up, excess amount of control will only cause a child to be more and more rebellious. i do not wish myself to step into this rebellious stage. I wish to handle this more maturely as an adult and try to undestand my mum at the same time. Though it is a real tough goal to acheive but i am willing to take up the challenge.