Low morale

i dun really know what has gotten into me, but i felt rather lost this semester. I really could not catch up with what the class is teaching, or rather should i say i had lost the spirit in me to carry on studying this course. Hmmm, it is veri reare of me to give up so easily but i just could not get myself standing up with courage and telling myself, " yes, ivan, u will get good grades this semester" a lot of things are bogging my mind and i just could not calm my unsettled mind down.

I dun wish to go on like this, but somehow i just feel so deflated. i kept giving myself false hopes but it doesnt seem to be helping as well. Lecturers do not like me, partly i know that i myself is at fault for not doing my work. Why did things turn out this way? why did i become so bad?? Why am i such a weak person?? Where have all my past efforts go to?? Where? WHere? Where?

i cant help but feel so alone at this period of time. I cant mix in with my class, not because i am not on good terms with them, but, it is just that i feel so inferior to them. Each time i step into my class, i feel i am the weakest and lousiest person in my class. Weba teacher toked to me the other day, he said that though he has submitted a report that was reasonably good, but the upper level pple did not feel justified and asked him to review my case again. Shit, fcuk, damn... so what the hell is going on actually?

without even embarking on this last battle to fnish my studies, i feel i have lost half of it already. I could not untie the knot in my heart and i beleive no one can help me. I tried so desperately hard but it jus doesnt seem to help. Its been a long time since i feel myself sinking into depression. Sigh, god, show me some answers will ya.. tell me how should i get myself up... i hate myself...