man loses cool

Yup.... i lost my cool totally today this morning. I never knew i would be so disrespectful to my parents. I kinda regret my actions this morning. However, i feel that if i do not speak out how i felt to my mum, nothing will ever get going. It is such a crazy morning. It so happen that when i woke up, my hair was standing up like soldiers on a parade ground. They were standing up high into the sky and of course, they were spiky. So mum happily came in and started to shout and scream saying that i look like some little punkster. Then she went on and on insulting all of my frens, saying that i always mix in with bad company. SOunds normal right? well, it is not.

if things had been like this i would not even lose my cool. It was only when she said that i was trying to drive her to her grave and screamed that she would rather not have me as her son that really broke my heart. These are words that are real harsh. I really could not stand it anymore. Then on and on she went on to say how much money she has wasted on me, how a great soender i am and stuff. In the beginning i was already down with muscle ache and fever, making me easily frustrated. Her scolding was like a c4 bomb that wreaked all my self control. I lost it all.

i went into my room, took my wallet and threw all my atm, debit cards back over to her. I feel that if she really feels that i am wasting her money, then what for do i still need these cards for? i do not need them at all. and so i went out of the house penniless. I could not be bothered with her. it is so so sickenning. I really dun comprehend her thoughts at all! What more does she expects? I had already paid my own school fees, paid my own handphone bills and transport my self. Not to mention my daily expenses, so what exactly is she unhappy about??

One blow doesnt seem really enough as another blow soon came by. On sunday, i went out with kel and gang. So guess what? Liyi was there as well. Right, so everything juz came flowing back to my mind like a submarine decending up the sea. It took me so long to get over her, but somehow upon seeing her, i could no longer hold it. I felt immense amount of pain. I find it hard to maintain a simling face in front of all my frens anymore. It is such a tiring task. But what else can i do besides trying to be ahppy?

sigh.,............