seperation

i went over to visit her last night. Upon reaching her room, i lost all courage to enter her room. I just stood outside quietly, looking into her room, gazing at her face as she slept. tears dropped again as i stood rooted to the spot, looking at how much pain she went through. She seems so frail and fragile now, like a little doll that was broken. my mind is desvastated.

Throughout this while, i had tried everything i could to cheer her up, but it seems all so futile. there is nothing much i feel i could do. as her boyfren i feel so useless and helpless. no one understood what i am going through. jain fu told me that i mjaybe sticking too much to her that caused her rejection towards me. but seriously, what else do u expect me to do? how can i not be by her side at this moment?

it sucks, i hate to be stuck in situations where i cant advance nor retreat. Visiting her daily seems wrong and yet not being by her side seems wrong too. So what the hell am i suppose to do? thoughts ran wild in my mind. I sat silently outside her room for the whole night yesterday. I didnt have the strength to step inside neither the courage to leave. i yearned so desperately for her to recover, to be back the same old self she was, but god seems to be playing tricks time and time again on me.

Something struck me, and that word was seperation. Maybe jian fu was right, if things arent working out, why not just retreat for the time being? Sounds easy, but i dun think i could do that. i really wonder what will happen to our relationship? what is goiong to happen in the future. there is so much agony and pain in me which words just could no longer describe. God, show me your way...