drowning my sorrows

Its been 12 days since i last saw her. I heeded layling's advice and gave her a call. Unfortunately, auntie told me she does not wish to receive any phone calls as yet. A sudden gush of depression sets in quietly. There were times when i wanted so much to go over to her place, but the fear in me stopped me from doing so. Am i wrong in doing so? i ahve no answer for myself. the yearning in me is still burning with much intensity. The fire in me grows each day. i dun know how to confide my problems to people. All i know is to keep tem to myself and show a happy me whn i am with my frens. It is pointless to drag everybody's mood down just because of me.

I dun remember since when i started to drown my sorrows by alcohol. yes, i am escaping from reality, escaping form the various number 0f struggles that is bogging me down. i feel suffocated lately, i just need a break and my solace is alcohol. returning home dead drunk every night is not bringing a positive testimonial for my parents. Mum as usual went on speaking her mother tounge, in hope that she can drown me with all her scoldings. i can swim okie... haha!

Hmmm, though i dun enjoy getting drunk, but the highness that alcohol gives relieves of my stress temporarily. It may not be the best way, but at least i can find myself moving on. there is just so much problems here for me. Sigh... tonit shall be another night of drinking session. I am not wallowing in self pity, i am just finding a way to relax my drowning mind.

Angie is constantly in my mind, even when i sleep she never fails to appears in my dreams. i dreamt of her last night. It wasnt a sweet dream, mnore like a nightmare. i woke up, crying to myself, all alone...