despair... useless me....

once again, i failed, failed to get back into the right tracks again. My heart sank to the bottom when i saw my results. My first thought was, why despite putting in effort i still din make it? was it because i am really so lousy? so stupid? so inferior to the rest of the pple? i dun know....

my parents screamed and kept blaming me for what has happened. Everything was pushed to me, and i have to carry every single blame myself... my determination began to waver. I tried so hard but yet i still couldnt make it, and now, i do not even know where i am going to land in. I wanted veri much to enter into SIM, to get a university degree, but much to my despair, no one in the family supports me... i am lef alone...

my parents said that why did not i perform well, why did i fail, why cant i juz get good results. My parents even said that it is my fault that i cant enter into jc... hello, fuck, it was them who tookaway my chance, it was them who stopped me from appealing in when my coach could... i could have used basketball to enter... it was a 100% can lor... stop pushing all the blame to me...

sometimes i juz feel that i am always walking in the shadows of my parents. i am always dicdated to study this, to do what they see best in their eyes, but not something which i wan to pursue... i hate this type of life. i had made a wrong move, and it has cost me a hefty two years, i do not wat to make any more wrong decisions. but even with my conviction, i am still not supported by anyone... sigh......

God, can u juz tell me what lies ahaed of me? maybe it would be nicer for u to juz strike me with a lightning...