Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Nostalgic effect

Hmmm, things has not been good for me at all today. This has been the first time i had such a misunderstanding with my own gf. That implies whatever i write or say may cause a huge impact on my own relationship. It is strange but this issue today has rekindled my thoughts on religion.

i was contemplating over the idea of my personal strong-headed perception of God's intangibility. If God is a person on earth, how is he able to be there for all of us. Will people have to travel across horizons just to worship and receive healing? If He is supposedly a physical being as in a real life being on earth. Logically and technically speaking, he will not be able to practice omnipresence, which will only be possible if he could travel at the speed of light. And the whole thought is pure nonsense.

Alright, let's put it this way, if he is in heaven or so he claimed, that will make some sense if we're to so call "contact" him or converse with him. its like every prayer and intercession would go through a medium, one which i coined it as space. And space is propably the jargon of the spirtual communication transmission. Ok, this is the fusion of christianity, buddhism and information technology. But thats the way i interpret things.


So you see, God's system is like our core kernel of the computer. Let me put it in layman term. This system is like our computer operating system or the OS which most of us have already recognized. (Go fcuk yourself if you don't; literally) Yes, if it sounds familar to you, it's similiar to your Windows 9X, Windows 2000, XP, Longhorn, Linux, Mac, whatsoever you may interpret it. The operating system is the foundation of the entire system and everything that build on it must operate within the priciples of its nature. Are your eyes already rolling?

I'll try making it simpler.It's just like gravity. Everyone knows that we're glued to a humongous piece of chocolate rock, because of gravity. And gradually, smart asses came up with theories and mundane terms like weight, mass, force, resistance. So we see that what's being discovered later has everything to do with the underlying nature of the system. And this system is permanent. They will probably exist till the day planet Earth scorched itself to its death. I'm not quoting these anonymously; infact they're based on certain scientific research. I'm not going to enter that right now cus I'm not a whiz in that field anyway.

Alright, enough of explaination, let us go back to the underlying principle of communication between human and God. Lets take it this way, prayers are like the commands that we key into the computer, and God in this case is the processor that takes care of all commands and requests that comes in. Take for instance God has the highest processor ever to be imagined by us mere humans, that would explain his omnipresence and his supremacy to be able to deal with every single prayer. However, that does not imply that God is obliged to answer to all prayers. Just like any other operating system, requests are grouped according to their level of importance, this theory applies remarkably true to the way God deals with mudane requests.

Take this example of a sample prayer by a foolish and shallow human:

Human: God, give me money.... money... more money

God: Put it on my waiting list pls, secretary...

thats jus an illustration, which happens to be so true time after time. as one who has cross the threshold into two seperate religions(in case u are clueless, they are buddhism and christianity), i began to probe my personal doubts. If there is a so called God existing in our life, in the heaven, why doesnt he step up and made his word clear to us mere insolent humans? if he is what religions has proclaimed to be, omnipotent, then why doesnt he destroy all false religion and make things pleasing to his eyes? The thought of all principles and morales in each and every religion gives me so much reason to doubt, exactly which is true. First of all, religions has told us repeatedly, if not trying to drone into our puny brains the core essential, and that is to have a strong faith. Secondly, religions has also proclaimed the so called miracles performed by messengers of God, but none has been able to establish actual proof that they are the rightful messengers from the rightful religions. Third, all repligions has also stressed repeatedly the importance and awe of prayers. However, if prayers are so truly awesome, then why doesnt the answer be revealed to us? All this doubts came to me, and answers that came to me too were labelled as nonsense.

Which in my sense i conclude, God may be there, but propably he is far too occupied with his own matters than to be bothered with our tiny puny mudane requests. secondly, religions that has different names are juz a scam, a way to get more believers and in hope of strengthening ones religion. In this way, they can claim supremacy and be mired as the rightful religion. Let me illustrate, take for instance in our modern world, there are western medicine and chinese mdeicine. Both types of healing methods or mdeicines cincocted are used to benefit mankind, to cure diseases and cure ailments. However, in order to be recognised and gain popularity, both sides starts to proclaim their credibility in healing one person, in return to yearn for more humans to beleive in either one of them.

this is exactly what is happening in religions. Therefore i beleive that no matter what we beleive in, till the day we die, we will face this one God, and i beleive all religions will see the same God. the reason why there is so many religions is juz because of the names given. Take away the name and bestow it "religion" , everything will make sense. The same thing as to why we have antibiotics and chinese medicine called "po chi wan". all this are just names, the underlying principle is they are still the same, they are juz medicines used to cure humans, thats all...

ok... no more nonsense... haha


Monday, January 17, 2005

Let Go

A sleepless night it has been for me since that phone call that came from her. I've always thought that love songs are just some sappy tunes produced by song writers to display their desperation , in other words desperados. Till now, i finally undderstood, songs are my way of conveying my feelings and emotions when words doesnt flow. It s an indapt ability of mine to compose songs and i take pride in that. i am no desperado.

it has been four months, ivan, its nothing really.

Feels more than that to me. It feels somewhat deeper than what appears outwardly.

so what do u do? what do u see?

letting her fly on her own is what i had chosen, someone beautiful to be who has no affinity with me...

how are u moving on?

i have someone who cares for me now, i guess i shoud have gotten over it..

Are you saying?

so much for letting go....

Perhaps it has been a vicious cycle for my life to be tormented by past relationships that should have gone by. It is like little flames that has been snuffed out has been rekindled tiem after time into bigger ones. Perhaps girls are creatures who bears a hefty lot of resentment for guys... i duuno....

You entered like a fairytale
And you held my hand
You told me you loved me
But what's really love to you
You told me you needed me
But it never came true
A million steps away from me
And you said that it's all for you

We walked into the movies
And you too held my hand
I see you right to your doorstep
Right under the starry skies
You told me you loved me
But what's really love to you
You told me you needed me
But it somehow didn't came true
One night you called me
Words that sound so cold and piercing
What's really with you
And the reason that you give

I always compromise
Because I like you too
I knew that a time will come
When you'll turn just so beautiful
But the tide has changed its path
Weirdly and much senselessly
As much as I try to deny
It all just feels so true
When your voice resounds again
It undeniably keeps me warm
But nothing will be the same again
After you made that call

I never want to hurt you
I always wanted to protect you
And every word I say
Delicately, I whisper to you
There're times when I don't speak
Like are the times you ignored
But one thing I am sure
That this little fairytale
May be all I'm asking for