Exhaustion

Ok ok, time for spring cleaning session! No more spider webs and dust! After slogging like a mad workaholic for more than five months, it suddenly dawn on me how exhausted my mind and body has become. there are a lot of things which i have yet to fufill, and time is not on my side. i tend to procrastinate my progress which makes things get done in an absurd slow way. Many times things just do not go my way, and i end up getting tangled in nasty and sticky situations.

My dear, i am sry tht u have to put up with my nasty temper lately. but do u also know tht i am on my verge of breaking down? my mind is occupied with work, and i dun hav any time for myself. Sometimes i juz wish tht u could put urself in my shoes and understand all the pain i am undergoing. certain things are beyond my means to explain to u. especially wen it comes to feelings, even mundane terms cant express what i wanted to say.

Yesterday, i went over instantly after work to meet up with my dear over at senja . the graduation ceremony was great, except for the fact tht i felt ostracised by everyone. I fel so super left out yesterday. sometimes i really ponder, does it means that a person who has been kicked out of school is someone who is inferior than others and thus derserves no fair treatment? i really dun know. but ever since i got out of poly, this nasty feeling has been sticking itself to me, no forms of consolations or encouragement could alleviate my agony. Which is also why i decided to leave spsd. i feel tht i am outsider compared to the many pple over at spsd.

i was veri reluctant to make my way down to senja as i am supposed to stay back to finish my stuff. one thing which really turns me off was wen i rush over, dear said to me: "since u got meeting then dun come lor... who ask u to skip..."
this words pierced me hard. i sacrificed my time for u, but u do not appreciste it. well done.

Sadly but truly, singaporeans are realistic creatures. wen one falls he or she will be condemmed foreva.. like i am.. a school dropout which no one respects or giv a shit about it.. i ought to go kill myself.. for being ridiculed..