insane!!

i am going insane, there is juz too much things going on here. My family is going through a divorce, my army life is f... up and i am not able to please my own girlfren. i dedicated every single available slot to her, despite knowing tht i should be with my mum, i did not care and still went over to her. but who is here to understand my situation?? sometimes i yearn for joan to come over my house, to accompany me juz once, but it seems until the veri end, it would still be me who is always going to her. no one is with me when i needed any help..

i dun know where i will be staying after the divorce, most prob i will be moving to another place myself for my dad will most prob be selling the flat away should the divorce takes place in the near future. there is no turning back for my family, no other alternatives.

sigh, i have tons of debts on hand to settle, who can understand? no one... i get quite jealous upon hearing one of my fren(i dun wan to name names here) brother is liike receiving a freaking thousand or should i say spends more than a thousand a month and still complain he has no cash. and when am trying to make the best out of my miserable army pay with no extra help from my family and i still have to provide for family too... all on only my army pay... damn... tht guy should learn to appreciate how lucky he is , a thousand a month as pocket money... ah well... i cant really compare afterall... at least i am better off than him, i dun live off my parents... i am no leech... haha... i provide...

anyway... miss a lot of my frens... have yet to tok to them ever since i went to aarmy... my life is basically army and girlfren... no other frens in the picture... my army mates scolded me for being a letdown as i had pang seh them like so many times until they dun wan to ask me out le... sigh... so at the end... if gf is not avalable, then it is me myself and myy basketball...

ok... nvm... i crap too much... i juz feel like killing myself./.. feel helpless over my family situation... it seems like days wun pass by without a quarrel in its midst... so what am i to do? smoke my way out of the house... situation is beyond my control... so i guess, i can only pray hard... my heart is in pain... but who understand?